Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
