There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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