evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
