nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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