I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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