just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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