taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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