I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
