I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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