Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
