My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
