At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
