My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
