Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I think my fart just growled at me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
