she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize