you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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