you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My vagina just clenched in fear
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
