You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize