dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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