i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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