i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
