did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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