twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
