just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
