The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
