I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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