Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
