that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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