haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
