her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize