My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
