I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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