Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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