just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
