I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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