I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
