eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
