I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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