chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
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