my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
