i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How external is "for external use only"?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
