yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
