I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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