I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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