hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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