One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
