I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You made out with two different species that night
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
