so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
