I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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