I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
A+ Viking dick
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
