I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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