its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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