I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
