she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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