I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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