This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
