ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
