He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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