First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
