So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
