Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
