don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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