did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
