I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
