I feel like abortions should bother me more
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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