She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They have beer where we have blood.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
