Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
