i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
