spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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