I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
