Girls should come with a carfax report
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
