Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
