1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
