remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
